i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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