Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
