You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
