I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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