I'm jealous of your bromance
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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