I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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