By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
