Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
