All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
