I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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