I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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