The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
