only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
