Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
