I think my vagina is haunted
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize