Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
