So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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