it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
