how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize