ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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