The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
