I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
