Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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