I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
