ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
