I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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