I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I faked an abortion last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
