I need to stop coming to work sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
