I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
