i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
