I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
