she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
