we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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