When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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