need another drink. this is the easiest way
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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