my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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