I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
