I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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