I seem to have left my pride at pride
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize