i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
