No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
