I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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