I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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