I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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