Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
