Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
