I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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