did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
