We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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