the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize