We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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