His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
God, I missed his penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
