Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
