So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
