I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
