I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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