Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
