david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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