he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
