this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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