would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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