Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
